you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
