Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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