no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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