I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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