i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
