I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
