i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its not stalking. its research.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
