You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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