Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
