Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Enjoy the penises
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
