WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
