We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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