ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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