went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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