At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
