If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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