For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i now understand why vodka
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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