Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
