you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
