Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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