My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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