If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
