im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
