I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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