I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
