I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
