Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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