if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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