On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
