Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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