It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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