I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
