Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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