So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
