Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
