i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
