No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
