Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
