He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
