mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're a waste of cheezeits
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
