Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
