Where is the hickey?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
