Pappa wants mamma naked
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
