Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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