So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize