I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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