It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
