theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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