but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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