This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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