My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
