It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
