I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We are two peas in an std pod
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize