Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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