Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
