Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have post one night stand depression
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