Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
