You work out of a Hotel?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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