This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
