Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
