You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
