Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
