i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
