I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
