so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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