In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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