as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
