mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize