i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just pee around me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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