the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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