I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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