Plan B is the new Plan A
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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