I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
