The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
