Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
