I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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