I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
