And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
