Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
