Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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