i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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