so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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