I wish you could order shots online.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
