In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
