It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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