Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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