Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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