i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
