ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
