i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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