I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
