its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
