Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
