operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
