I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize