literally had 100 drinks last night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
