Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
