Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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