Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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