It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
