i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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