wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
